The school year is over! And with it, one more year the parents’ WhatsApp group of my son’s class says “goodbye”
Nothing has gone unnoticed for me this year; Marc’s “oversights” have been joined by the forgotten homework and important dates of each of his classmates. This is a very recurring theme that is part of the daily life of families.
It may seem contradictory, but the truth is that the more we do for our children, the more dependent and irresponsible they become. As parents, we want our children to enjoy the advantages of childhood, which translates into a lot of play and few responsibilities, “they will have time to have obligations and make decisions” – we think on many occasions -. Are today’s parents excessively helpful? Do we believe that we never do enough for our children to have to enslave ourselves?
It all started four years ago, when to my surprise I found myself included for the first time in the WhatsApp group of parents of my youngest son’s class. Well…, I thought, this way I will stay informed about news and unforeseen events, in addition to the homework (the truth is, I am amazed to see other mothers so up to date). But quickly, this wonderful means of communication became a heavy and stressful experience. After snack time, my mobile phone was sparking with countless photos of book pages, reminders of exam dates: is it the 3rd or the 4th? My daughter has the 3rd noted, well mine has the 4th, mine hasn’t told me there is an exam, exam of what? Please, can you send me a photo of the pages of the book? It’s just that María has forgotten it in class, can you send me a photo of today’s homework? It’s just that Pepito has forgotten his diary in class…
Well, this is repeated daily. As I said, this wonderful means of communication, which, if used well for purposes of common interest, emergencies, etc., could be an optimal channel, ended my patience.
– Mom, I forgot the spreadsheet in class. Have them send you a photo by WhatsApp -Marc said to me with total tranquility-.
– I’m sorry my love, but it’s not the first time I’ve gotten you out of trouble by asking for favors on WhatsApp, don’t you think you’re getting used to it?
– Mom, it’s urgent! If I don’t take it, I’ll be left without recess and I won’t be able to play with my friends.
– I understand my love but it is your responsibility, not mine, I have my agenda and by the way, quite full – I said with all the pain in my heart
– Aren’t you going to help me???? The moms of my friends help them!!!
– Yes darling, of course I’m going to help you, I’ll teach you to be responsible and autonomous. Tomorrow you will go to school with the homework undone and after listening to the teacher’s reprimand, you will apologize and tell him that it will not happen again.
The next morning, Marc left reluctantly but he understood, and believe me, he is quite more responsible, although he still has “oversights” that he solves by calling a classmate himself to solve the failure (as always).
The parents’ WhatsApp group of the school can be a very effective means to distribute important information in a matter of seconds. So… why does it have such a bad reputation?
The problems arise, explains Guillermo Cánovas, director of the Observatory for the Promotion of the Healthy Use of Technology: EducaLIKE, «when some families make an inappropriate use that can lead to different misunderstandings». One of them, «and perhaps the most common –he continues–, is the constant bombardment of messages about issues that are not very relevant or that only affect some students».
“The main mistake that parents make is to get their children out of trouble, asking for exam dates and homework“, remarks Eva Bailén, author of the book «How to survive your child’s homework».
The psychologist and researcher Eva Campos, points out that “helping children too much takes away their power, deprives them of the possibility of developing their own abilities, discourages the culture of effort, diminishes confidence in themselves or self-esteem and consequently they could be doomed to not pass the school year or not meet the minimum academic requirements. If we observe the children, we see that they have their own resources in the search for solutions for the resolution of problems. They are usually practical and solve their problems thinking about the here and now, the solutions are usually concrete and immediate, it may not be the correct solution but the one that for the moment serves them and solves the problem they had, if adults intervene and warn them that the solution found is not correct, the children will doubt their own ability to solve problems and will feel insecure, blocking themselves and avoiding the situation that causes them those problems”.
Families must open ourselves to new methodologies that allow us to know our children and their circumstances better, it is necessary to understand what is happening to them and identify their needs so that we can help them and that homework and grades stop being a threat to their well-being.
LET’S TRUST THEM!
Virginia Saiz, trimadre and coordinator of the program díde (early detection of learning and development difficulties. Scientifically certified by official associations of Psychologists and Educational Psychologists).
